I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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