Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We had sex on a dog bed..
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
