I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
