i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
