I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
