I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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