At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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