she woke up with a sticky ear
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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