Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
