the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I got inside last night via doggy door
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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