Already got asked if we're dating
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize
