I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
