Quick, to the slutcave!
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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