watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
