And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
