Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Randomize
