I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
