What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
