I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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