and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize