i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
