worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
When did angry sex become our thing?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
