so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
