Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
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asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
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I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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