and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
