Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize