just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
