why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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