remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
