I cockslap morals
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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