Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
