My room smells like vodka and shame
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
