Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
