hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
