I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
