I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
