I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
