Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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