I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
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his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
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Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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