three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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