I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
