I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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