everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
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I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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