just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
