Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
