Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
