The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
