rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
