I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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