I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
