i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
