I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
