what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
