By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
