i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
