i jhust puked up my retainher.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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