the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
