Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My dick has a subreddit
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
