I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
