Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Pants are for mortals
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
