Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
