I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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