it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
