Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
