I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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