How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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