If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
