He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
