WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
FUCK WHALES
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
