even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
