i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
