dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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