probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
