There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
