it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
